Minor meltdown

Today started like any other day...got up photocopied like a crazy woman the remainder of my Italy research....oh right, that is not a normal day!!!! Yesterday I tried to renew the Italy book from the library to find that I could not do it...panic! I still had so much more to research, photocopy, I needed another day...shit! I even went to the library to see what the penalty would be for a late book...30 cents...no biggy, so why the panic? I have never, ever had a late charge for anything my entire life. Yep, one of those people. I thought it represented poor time management, and in this case lack of consideration for the poor soul waiting on this book somewhere else. That person could very well be me, on any given day. Thus the irrational freak out, last night and this morning. I stayed up as late as I could manage....eyes blurring trying to get it all done and with the possible thought that I could hand the book in through the night slot (sad but true). In the end I conceded to take the 30 cent hit and have a virtual check on my library record. I have moved from the thoughtful considerate people to a self-centered slob in less than a day...how quickly we can fall.

My mate at lunch pointed out that perhaps the degree at which I was feeling guilty about the book was more to do about leaving the cats....interesting thought...yep, I have no doubt that I feel lots of guilt leaving them. Once again I concede that the level at which I was reacting definitely combined with the stress of leaving my "babies" got the better of me. I feel awful leaving them. Almost irresponsible to some extent. I know they are in great hands but it is not my hands. I realize I have to let go...and I know it will happen but for now I suffer and give them unending cuddles which they love to some extent, they are starting to look at me like a crazed lunatic, which seems to be my where I am at right now (aka previous posts).

Beyond the pseudo parenting of my cats, traveling on a whole makes me think about my longevity. To put it simply, I usually think I am going to die, or rather the possibility that we can crash on a plane, train, or bus is always there. I realize this makes me sound rather negative but I like to view it more like I do not want to take the ones I care for, for granted or what I have. I have calmed down from my younger years, but I still have the odd moments of telling people I love them and crying etc. Travel allows me to appreciate what I have. I do realize that is a bit sad having that as a reminder but I am only human and sometimes I forget to "smell the roses". I suppose that is one of the many reasons I love to travel, so I stop and "smell the roses", well in my case "the bakery", whatever works, right.

Ciao for now,
Kimberley